A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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