I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
