I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
