I puked a lego.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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