You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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