i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
