Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
