we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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