Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
