I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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