You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
