oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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