i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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