It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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