And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
