There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
