Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
