office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
