He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
