You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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