Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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