Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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