I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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