what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
