so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
