Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
