he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
