walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
