there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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