proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize