i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
