This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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