I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
