Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
