so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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