matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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