bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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