he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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