please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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