she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
