So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
