I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
