Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
