yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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