i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
