Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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