The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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