Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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