My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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