just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
