I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
