Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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