Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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