Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
