Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize