I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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