We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
