If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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