Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
