She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
