my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
