So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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