I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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